It’s kind of a long story. We had lived in San Diego for about 7 years and my husband had a very good Civil Service job. He started acting very out of character and I thought he was turning into a big jerk. Then he quit his job, made a “partnership” with a complete stranger, and before we knew it, we had to file for bankruptcy. Amazingly, he was able to get back into Civil Service in the same career field, but the new job was in White Sands Missile Range, near Las Cruces, NM. His personality was still different from what it used to be. He was more self-centered, had a much worse temper, and could make the simplest job into a monumental task.

We were in New Mexico for 2 years, drove 30 miles into town for church twice or three times a week, and in that short time made friendships of the lifelong sort. A new supervisor came into his work. Whereas he had gotten along very well with the prior manager, the new one criticized everything he did. So he looked for a way to get out of there, applied for and got a promotion and we moved to the Atlanta area.

After about 3 years in Atlanta my husband came home and said he needed to go to the doctor because he was having problems at work. Something with his brain wasn’t right. I made the appointment for him, he took leave on the appointed day. When I came home from work and asked how the appointment went, he told me that he couldn’t remember why he took the day off, so he slept all day.

Fast forward a year. He drives like a maniac, frequently misses our children’s school activities, or doesn’t show up when he is supposed to take them to practice or doctor appointments. He does nothing at home except watch sports. He comes home 4 hours late, and doesn’t know why we were worried about him. (He was playing golf and didn’t tell anyone where he was). Then he comes home from work one day and says that his supervisor told him they had been having complaints from customers because he was giving them incorrect and/or senseless information, and asked him to go to the doctor and get things checked out. We made a doctor appointment, and I also talked to his supervisor. His work had been declining steadily for over a year. He had gone from “exeeds expectations” in every evaluation area, to “needs improvement” in everything.

We went to the family doctor who after one visit referred us to a neurologist. After a few visits and a few tests, the neurologist referred us to Emory University’s Alzheimers’ Disease and Research Center. After 12 months of testing, we had an answer – At the age of 47 he had a very rare form of early-onset dementia, called Fronto-temporal Dementia. During the year of testing, he kept going to work, but I learned that they were giving him more and more assistance, and easier tasks to do. In twelve months he went from being able to sign off on $10 million contracts, to putting mail on co-workers’ desks.

You may wonder where the good is in all of this. It’s everywhere. Quitting his job and causing us to be bankrupt was horrible. But had this not happened, we would not have ended up in Las Cruces, where we made such wonderful friends. Getting a supervisor who made his work days miserable was the reason he applied for a promotion and we moved to Atlanta. Atlanta is one of only a handful of facilities in the US that actually knows about Fronto-temporal Dementia (FTD), much less test for and diagnose it. I also had the benefit of attending 16 weeks of educational support group meetings where I learned practical ways to deal with his illness as it progressed. Had we lived elsewhere, we could have been like many other families that go from doctor to doctor for 10 years before they get someone to listen to them and give an accurate diagnosis.

As his work quality was declining, his supervisor, without being asked or told, automatically afforded him the protections and accommodations allowed by law, until the cause of decline was known. Most people would have been immediately fired for poor performance.

Just before his work troubles started, our son graduated from hight school and joined the Army Reserve. My husband was prior Air Force, and wanted to be able to say he and his son served at the same time. So he applied for and somehow was accepted into the Air Force Reserve, just months before we realized he had something seriously wrong. Once he notified them of his diagnosis, he was told not to report, but he would stay on the books until the paperwork was done to separate him from the Air Force Reserve. Unbeknownst to us, the very next month the Servicemen’s Group Life Insurance more than doubled, which provided for our future. He had withdrawn and depleted almost all of his retirement when he quit his job in San Diego. We stayed in Georgia until both our children were out of high school, then we made the decision to move back to Las Cruces, where I have lots of extended family, and where we had made such good friends. Then we found out that my parents were moving back there the very same month we were. So they were close by to support us when the going got really tough.

In early December, our son found out he would be deployed to the Middle East on January 9th. My husband was doing very poorly, and I was concerned that as soon as our son left, his dad would pass and he would have to come right back home again. I prayed and prayed about that situation. My husband took a very bad turn on January 8th, and passed just hours before our son was to leave. My prayers were answered because my son was still home, and they delayed his deployment for three weeks.

It was a tragedy to lose my husband at the age of 52 to such a terrible disease. But I can truly say that lots of good was shown to us during his illness, and there has been plenty of good in my life since, from many sources. I know that even during the low times, goodness will be with me every day of my life.

Anne, this just kind of flowed, and I don’t even know if it’s anything you are looking for. If you can use it in any way, please do.